


Broken Roots

by days_gone_by



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Canon Rewrite, Draco Malfoy Has Issues, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Harry Potter Has a Saving People Thing, Harry Potter Thinks Draco Malfoy is Up to Something, I Tried, Lucius Malfoy's A+ Parenting, Multi, Oblivious Harry Potter, POV Draco Malfoy, Pining Draco Malfoy, dark malfoy family secrets, dumbledore being an annoying know-it-all, it will be fine in the end i promise, this is how things should have gone okay, what is love draco malfoy has yet to figure out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:15:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26931241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/days_gone_by/pseuds/days_gone_by
Summary: It's a well-known fact that Harry Potter has a saving people thing. It's also a well-known fact that he and Draco Malfoy don't get along with each other.But it's simple.Draco needs help.Harry feels the need to help people.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drapetomania
> 
> (n.) an overwhelming urge to run away

Just a while more and he's going to be there. No one is going to interrupt him, no one is going to ask questions, he will be able to just calm down and get himself together. Just a little more.

Draco's steps echo loudly in the empty corridor as he strides directly to the bathroom of Moaning Myrtle. No one ever comes there, mindful of the presence of the ghost, and after Ginny had opened the Chamber of Secrets years ago everyone is avoiding it with double caution. It's completely stupid because the basilisk has been long since killed, but rumors do their job regardless.

In Draco's case, they do him a favor. He can peacefully come there from time to time, whenever he needs to be alone, which these days happens quite frequently.

His breathing is heavy and ragged, even though he tries to calm it down.

"A deep inhale, a slow exhale."

"Inhale, exhale."

It's bullshit. He can't control it.

He finally reaches the door, opens it and closes it with too much strength, the sound reverberates around the room, but he's past caring at this point.

He leans back on the door, hearing his loud breathing ringing in the closed space. He feels like he's going to collapse, so slowly, without pulling away from the surface of the door, he sits down and hugs his knees into his chest. He's trying hard not to cry, but he knows that it's for nothing, he already feels familiar burning in his eyes. His bottom lip trembles against his will, his throat is so tight that it hurts and Draco can't take it anymore.

He lets go.

At first, it's just a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks, but after a while, it changes into sobbing. His throat hurts so much, his eyes burn and he feels pathetic, pathetic for not being able to stand it like he should, pathetic for crying, pathetic for being a coward he damn well knows that he is. Another sob shakes his shoulders as he searches for some tissues. He's sure snot comes out of his nose now, which is disgusting. He is pathetic and disgusting. Everything is disgusting and horrible and none of this should have place.

He sobs particularly loud now, and it reminds him of times when he was little and his father would hit him with the stick of his wand if he cried too much. His mother would tell him to stop it, that it "isn't the way to teach a kid how to behave" but his father knew better, of course. 

_"Stop crying, Draco", he would say through gritted teeth, "it does not impress me even one bit. Crying is weakness." But that made little Draco cry harder, so his father would hit him. It hurt, but it was never strong enough to leave any marks. Lucius Malfoy did not mean for it to hurt physically. On the contrary, he wanted his son to feel humiliated, to always have at the back of his mind that crying is for the weak._

_"If you don't stop crying, I will have to punish you more, Draco. You cannot be weak, crying like a little girl! Are you a little girl, Draco? It's pathetic."_

Draco bites his fist to muffle the sounds he makes. No one comes near this bathroom, but it's better to be quiet in case someone walks by unexpectedly.

"Who's there?" A high-pitched voice filled with concern irritates Draco's ears. He looks up, but he can't see much because of the tears.

"Oh, it's you." The owner of the voice speaks again.

"Yeah." Draco breathes out hoarsely and harshly wipes away his tears so he can actually see the ghost.

"Hm, something must have happened again, am I right?"

"There's- There's something happening con-," he hiccups, "constantly."

Myrtle pouts and shakes her head.

"You're such a poor boy. If you'd only tell me what is it that's bothering you."

"I don't think you, you- you would understand, don't get me- don't get me wrong, I just-"

Draco looks down at his lap and sniffs.

Myrtle flies over and sits before him with her legs crossed.

"Did someone die?", she inquires with apprehension in her voice, and her brows furrow so strongly they nearly meet in the middle of her forehead.

Draco sighs, his breath trembling. He bites his lip and thinks about the answer.

"No." He says weakly. It's the truth.

"But-"

It's the truth. Partly, at least. No one died, but they could have. And someone _will_ die, eventually.

"It was close." Draco looks at the ghost and his eyes are blank.

"You won't ever tell me why are you like this, will you? ", She tilts her head," The real reason?" Her voice isn't screeching anymore. It sounds normal, considering how the ghost is used to wailing and squealing to just kill time.

"I-" Draco sighs, looking to the side, " I can't. I just can't." He shakes his head.

The ghost just nods, although she looks a bit disappointed.

Draco feels hopeless. There's no one he can turn to, not that he doesn't have anyone. The reason is, he frankly can't. It would ruin everything if he tells anyone, he's going to be dead, and take his family with him to his grave. He can't allow this, ever.

Only if someone would help him out of this-

He feels his throat tighten and before he can stop it, tears stream down his cheeks again.

All of the self-control he managed to take over himself when the ghost appeared goes away.

He feels pathetic for breaking down before Myrtle, who's floating above him, eyeing him with concern.

"Can you, " his voice sounds tight and unnaturally high, and that makes him feel even worse, " Just- just leave me? Alone?"

"But-"

"Please!"

It sounds like a plead, Draco's shoulder shake one more time due to sob, and maybe that's what makes Myrtle back off. In the end, it's not the first time she sees him like this, and she has learnt that insisting won't help her to get anything out of him.

"Okay. I'm leaving." Myrtle says in a small voice, slowly flying away, still facing Draco. "But if you'd ever need me, you can talk to me."

Draco just nods, not looking at her, he's already hid his face behind his hands. He only hears the wheezy sound of Myrtle disappearing in one of the drains.

He moves on his knees deeper into the bathroom, and sits down again, leaning back on the wall between the two rows of cabins.

He wonders why, out of all people, he has been commissioned _this_.

Probably to humiliate them, the family of Malfoys.

He could have chosen anyone, literally anyone to do this, yet he picked Draco. A fucking teenager.

He truthfully will come of age 17 soon, but this doesn't change the fact that Voldemort has plenty of people on his hand, way more skilled and trusted than Draco. It feels like a mockery and probably, it actually is. He did it to humiliate Draco and his whole family.

Because they failed, didn't they? They are a failure, and Lucius Malfoy is the very reason why. 

Truth be told, Draco's life is one big failure, and the thought makes his chest burn, and it hurts, and it tears him, and that makes his sob sound inhumanly, so much he never thought he would be capable of making such a sound. He bites his fist because he shouldn't be making so much noise. He knows no one ever comes here, but with his current luck everything is possible.

Clearly, because he hears a creak of the doors being opened. He tries his best to remain quiet. Maybe someone will think it's just some ghost crying and go away. He hears the door close and before he can breathe a sigh of relief, he hears steps that only get louder.

Fuck.

Draco clenches his fist around his wand, ready to protect himself if there will be a need to.

The steps get closer.

The person comes into his view and Draco abruptly pulls up, at the same time casting a spell, and- his vision gets blurry, his head is spinning, his legs give up on him. And the damn ringing in his ears, he can't see, everything is black-

He tumbles, and the last thing he feels is a force pulling him up.

Draco opens his eyes. He can't see anything, everything is a blur, and so he blinks furiously a couple of times.

His head doesn't hurt, but he feels rather uncomfortable laying on the cold floor.

At last, his vision gets clearer, and he sees that he didn't manage to knock Potter out as he tried.

"You still here, Potter, huh? I see you truly are incapable of minding your own business."

"Same goes for you, Malfoy."

Draco feels anger boiling in him. What does this even mean-? He tries to pull up, but Potter grabs his arm and pulls him down, and does it rather gently, contrary to the grip.

"Stay like this for a while. I don't want to have you here vomiting all over me."

Draco then realizes that Potter has a point, the quick action caused nausea in his stomach.

He exhales loudly with a wheeze, growing more and more irritated with the whole situation. Potter makes him anxious, Draco finds it suspicious that Potter came to the bathroom just when he was in it.

"Lay down, Potter."

"What?"

"You heard me. I don't feel safe when you're standing above me like this."

Potter shakes his head in disbelief but does as Draco tells him, laying on the floor next to him, but still keeping enough distance between them.

"Why have you come here?" Draco asks, trying to sound firm as to not let his fear show. He glances at Potter, who's staring at the ceiling.

Potter purses his lips, still looking at the ceiling, avoiding Draco's eyes.

He's trying to hide something, Draco thinks.

"Have nothing to say? I refuse to believe it's just a coincidence that you came here at exactly the same time as I did."

"I think we have something more important going on now. How are you feeling?" Potter sounds and looks concerned, this time peering at Draco with attention Draco isn't used to getting from people. and especially not Potter.

Draco squints his eyes. He must have hurt his head and this is all a dream, a delusion. There is no logical explanation for this.

"Okay, this is a dream, right?"

Potter's eyes grow wide as he snaps his eyes at Draco.

"You didn't hit your head, so why are you playing dumb?"

Draco can feel his heart picking up the pace. It won;t end well if he gets angry.

"Because you ask like you care about my well-being, which, is frankly, not possible, Potter. You're lying, I must have hurt my head and this must be a hallucination."

Potter, stubborn as he is, stares at the ceiling.

"No, it's not a dream. And you don't have hallucinations, because you didn't hurt your head, because I didn't let that happen."

Draco only now remembers a force pulling him up before he completely lost his consciousness.

"So you didn't let my skull crush against the floor, this is only getting more suspicious, Potter."

Potter shakes his head, visibly growing exasperated.

"This is going to be harder than I thought."

Draco has had enough. He pulls up and immediately regrets it.

He feels like throwing up and that's even worse than fainting in front of Potter. Trying to ease nausea, he starts to breathe deeply. He'd rather die than have Potter see him vomiting.

Potter does so much as looking at him attentively. Great. 

Just great.

"Where is my wand, Potter?"

Potter raises as well, sitting cross-legged.

"Here." 

He hands the wand to Draco, who quickly seizes it. 

"See, it was all safe and sound. Now. There's this thing, but before I tell you anything, just- Don't act like a stupid Slytherin and try to kill me before I finish talking. Or at least give me a warning."

Draco rolls his eyes.

"Fine."

Draco is going to do what he wants anyway, he doesn't have a single reason to trust Potter. Maybe Potter didn't do anything to him while he was unconscious, but it doesn't prove anything. Gryffindors simply are like this, they all are righteous and just. Naive. Like Potter.

"Listen, Malfoy. I've heard you."

Draco looks to the side and snorts.

"Oh, so that's why you came here. I see." Draco's tone is dripping with sarcasm. Potter either doesn't notice it or ignores it.

"That's- That's not what I mean. Not now. Like, yes, now, but even before."

_Before_?

Draco snaps his eyes at Potter and feels panic washing over his body. If Potter heard anything that he wasn't supposed to, it's the end. The definite and irreversible end. If he's heard him- How much? When? Did he just stand there and listen?

He fights the urge to ask all these questions and tries to play it cool. If Potter didn't hear anything very confidential, it's all good, he can pretend nothing happened. Everything is fine and he will try to fool the boy, he doesn't need any more problems, he has enough as it already is.

And if it fails, there's also the spell of oblivion. It'll be fine.

"Oh, have you?" Malfoy looks at him through narrowed eyes, trying, to his best ability, to appear unfazed.

"Yes." Potter's eyes are intense, Draco can see determination flashing in them.

Potter licks his lips.

"Something is wrong and I want to help you."

His words didn't even feel fake. In fact, they felt sincere, and the boy didn't even hesitate while speaking them, it felt natural. If Draco were to do that, you would hear reluctance in his voice at best. The most probable is that he wouldn't even open his mouth.

"Why?"

"Well. I heard you. It wasn't normal."

"Speak clearly, Potter," Draco takes a deep, shaky breath, "I don't have a whole day."

Potter snorts.

"What? Are you-" he nods his head in Malfoy's direction-"planning on crying all day long?"

Draco gapes at Potter through squinted eyes, tilting his head to the side and sighs with irritation.

"None of your fucking business."

"And what? Am I supposed to let you cry until you choke on your fucking tears and die?"

"You're supposed to fuck off and stay out of things that aren't about you."

Draco says in one breath and just then realizes. His eyes widen on their own and he opens his mouth unknowingly. There was one time when he cried so hard he actually choked and thought he's going to die. It was pretty recent. Maybe he's paranoid or maybe-

"Yes, Malfoy, I heard that."

Draco doesn't even blink.

"I heard you choking and I nearly stormed in to save your ass, but you stopped and I heard you cry again. So. All good, I guess."

Draco refrains from snorting (again). Nothing was good and now not only has he Voldemort breathing down his neck, but also Harry Potter with his weird need to save everyone he possibly can.

"Can we just get straight to the point, Potter? It's tiring."

"Alright." Potter seats on the floor with legs crossed. "Before you want to kill me, be a decent human being and consider that I don't have any sick or twisted intentions here, so if you want to fight, at least give me a chance to prepare."

Draco rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, if I wanted to kill you, you would have been dead by now. Just- Just get this over with."

"I don't want to hurt you."

Potter has this worrying look on his face, the one that Pansy or his mother sometimes give him, but it differs from what theirs look like, something is off. Maybe because, oh well, it's Potter.

Draco just straightens up and gives the boy before him a once-over.

"Why would I believe you?"

Potter pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales loudly.

"I don't think that I can convince you at this point. Let's be honest, there's nothing that could convince you, Malfoy, so why do you ask?"

Fair enough.

"Also, take note I didn't do anything to you while you were knocked out, so-"

"Okay. Stop being annoying and speak."

"No need for the sass. So. I've heard you- Well, three times now."

Malfoy, with all of his will, tries to not panic. He remains seated, with a blank face and hopes that Potter didn't notice a shadow of fear that swept through it when he heard the boy's words. He must look ridiculous, trying to act composed when in reality his heart is beating so fast that he wouldn't be surprised if Potter could hear it.

"I can't let you cry like this. I just-" Potter's voice breaks and he bows his head down, running his hands through his hair- "I just can't. I heard you and I've never heard anyone cry like this. And it's not like it happened only once, and I swear I was so scared you're going to die this one time-" He looks at Draco once again. "Let me help you, I can't listen to-"

"You don't have to listen." Draco hisses through gritted teeth. "What do you even mean by helping me, huh?" Even if he holds back so much to not cry, his voice is tremulous again. 

He feels his eyes water, too, and the approaching disaster that will certainly come if Potter doesn't leave right now.

"Malfoy, I said something about you using your wand without giving me a warning." Potter's voice sounds more firm than before. Draco glances at his hand and sees that without even noticing it, he clenched his fist around the magical object. A little against his will, he lets go of it.

"I have no idea what shit have you got yourself into, but please, let me help you."

_Please_?

How much Draco would love this, for someone to come and save him, take him away from this all, make him feel safe. If it could be as simple as that, this someone could even be Potter.

Anyone.

Anything.

He closes his eyes, feeling the burning tears filling them.

"Malfoy."

Draco opens his eyes and lets the tears flow down. Potter has heard him crying anyway, what's the difference if he actually sees him doing it? There's no fucking difference if he's going to die soon anyway.

"What's your problem, Potter? What do you think you're doing now?" His voice is trembling, breaking, but he doesn't care anymore.

Potter has already heard probably most of his sobs, he's heard worse than this.

"You clearly have a problem." Potter scoots a bit closer to Malfoy, which makes the latter flinch.

"You need help," Potter continues and his voice is soft now, quiet, "Just let me help you." 

"How are you going to do this?! Do you even have any idea what-" Draco bites his lip, it was close. If it keeps going like this, he's going to break, tell fucking Potter everything, and then regret it.

He takes a deep breath.

"Why are you doing this, Potter?"

"I told you already, I can't-"

"No. No. I mean seriously. I hate you. You hate me. What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm helping someone who needs it."

Draco shuts his eyes.

"How do you know I need it?!" He sounds petulant now, he knows, but he's past caring at this point. He feels a sob shaking his body.

"Stop being like this."

"What?! Do I stop crying? I can't even cry in peace?! Without the Most Noble Potter coming here and-"

"Shh! Someone may hear you!"

"I don't fucking ca-"

Potter gets up, exasperated, and Draco hopes it's the end, but it turns out oppositely soon. He hears the boy mutter something he can't make out, and after a few seconds, he's coming back to Draco.

"Muting spells." He explains briefly and seats cross-legged in front of Draco.

Draco hides his face in his hands.

"Why can't you leave me alone? Do I use obliviate for you to finally fuck off?"

Potter snickers. "I can't believe you're like this."

Malfoy still remains with his face hidden, trying to calm down and stop crying.

"Like what?"

"Why can't you accept help when someone offers it to you?"

Maloy really has had enough by now. He wishes he could just use obliviate and make Potter forget everything, but somehow, he doesn't have the heart to do this. A big part of him wants it to be true, wants anyone to come and save him.

Even if deep inside Draco wants to accept this help, he can't. He doesn't know if Potter's words are genuine. It can end disastrously for everyone. Draco is scared of the consequences. Whatever choice he makes, it's going to end badly for someone. He doesn't want to test madman's patience. He doesn't want to know what it's like to pay for the betrayal.

Then there is Draco's pride and hatred for Potter. He would rather die-

But Draco is going to die.

He raises his eyes at Potter.

"Again, how do I know you're honest? How do I know, Potter, that this isn't some trap you and your lovely friends prepared for me?! Why would you help ME?"

"They don't know." Potter looks at his hands placed on his crossed legs. "I didn't tell them. It felt-" he lowers his voice- "too personal."

Draco just purses his lips and nods.

"And again, how do I know it's not a lie?!"

"God, Malfoy, do I fucking swear on something for you to believe that I'm honest or-? What do you want me to do?"

At that, Draco raises up and his eyes gleam for a fraction of second.

Before he speaks, he scoots a bit closer to Potter and stares at him intently for a while.

"Swear on your parents." His eyes glisten and a smirk is creeping on his face. "You wouldn't lie using them, would you, Potter?"

Draco is nearly sure Potter won't lie when there are his parents considered and he's ready to hear a "no".

Potter locks eyes with him. 

"I swear on my parents." Dead-serious tone of his caughts Draco by surprise.

There is no hesitation.

"Ron and Hermione don't know. No one except me knows. I'm saying the truth, I just want to help you."

Draco lets out a breath he didn't even notice he was holding.

**Holy shit.**

He moves back.

"Okay."

"Do you believe me now?"

Draco still isn't sure, but his common sense tells him that there's no way Potter would use his parents for some wicked games.

If there's something Potter values more than anything in this world, then it's his family and his friends. Even Draco knows that. He swallows audibly, reminds himself that he can still use obliviate on him if there will be a need to, and raises his eyes at the other boy.

"Yes."

The air gets heavier and for a while, the only audible thing is silence interrupted by Draco's loud, still ragged from crying, breathing.

Potter gulps and looks away.

"Okay." His voice is just shy of a whisper. "Now, if you believe me, you need to tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if I don't know."

"Are you sure you want to know, Potter?" Draco raises his eyebrow. "It's a lot of dark crap."

Potter looks down and shakes his head, smiling lightly. Draco doesn't understand what suddenly made him so happy and it irritates him.

"What's so funny?"

"You know, Malfoy, my life is also, how you put this, a lot of dark crap." Potter sounds amused.

Draco rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, it didn't escape my attention."

"Oh, really? It didn't seem so for the last couple of years."

Draco purses his lips and says nothing.

"So... What is it? Why are you crying?"

"I-" Draco doesn't know what to say. He's scared of the consequences. Hell, he's not even scared, he's terrified out of his mind. What's going to happen if he tells Potter all of this-

Actually, this isn't a problem itself. The problem is, what is going to happen if anyone improper except Potter gets to know.

He thinks about Severus. The man for sure has sworn to his mother to protect him because he told him that if Draco doesn't know what to do, he will do the job. It's certain that he wouldn't do that out of his goodwill, or because he's a good godfather.

But Draco doesn't want his help. Draco doesn't want anyone to die.

If he doesn't speak about Severus, he will have to lie.

If he does speak about him, he will have to lie as well.

_Lies._ It suddenly feels like the worst idea, telling anyone about this will ruin Draco **and** his parents even more, and probably his friends too. None of them deserve this.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea."

"What?"

"If I tell you, people will die."

Potter's eyes widen and he sucks in a sharp breath.

"We'll figure it out, I promise."

"I'm pretty sure we won't."

"Why are you being so stubborn?"

"Why don't you understand there are things that overwhelm people, even the wisest and the bravest?"

"Are you talking about yourself?"

Draco bites his lip to not say too much and closes his eyes.

"I'm losing my patience, Potter."

"Good, that means that soon we'll get somewhere with it."

Draco opens his eyes to look at Potter and laughs obnoxiously.

"Yeah, my grave, most probably."

Potter's mouth falls open.

"Someone **_is_** threatening you?"

"Merlin, if it was just one person, that would have been way more simple."

"Stop playing with me."

"Listen, I appreciate it very much that you're trying to save my ass, but I don't think it's worth it."

"It's always worth it."

"Yeah? Didn't you want me dead, like, three months ago?"

"Shut up and tell me what is going on with you. The way you're crying here isn't normal. It hurts to listen to it."

Draco bites his lip again.

"Let me think about it for a while, okay?"

Potter nods but doesn't look away from Draco.

"Can you stop staring?"

Potter's face twists with annoyance, but he obeys. The rest of the bathroom suddenly seems to be very interesting.

Draco wants to be saved, he wants to feel safe, he wants someone to take off the burden from his shoulders, and yet, it's not just about him. His life doesn't belong to him anymore. And so much can go wrong-

No, it's not even "so much can go wrong", there's simply no way it can go well.

Thoughts start to gallop through his head, all kinds of scenarios run before his eyes, his mother being tortured and then dying from exhaustion and wounds,- so many terrible things can happen, there's no way this can go well. There's no way.

But Draco is so tremendously tired of being scared of Him and he wishes -

It starts.

Draco's breathing heavily and slowly and hates himself for not being able to get out his wand and use obliviate because there is no other way than make Potter forget. Because Potter can't know about his mission and he can't know, he can't remember Draco crying. He needs to forget, but Draco feels paralyzed and he can't reach for his wand and this stupid breathing-

He feels his head spinning and getting so hot, he can feel the pulse in his temples.

He can't look at Potter, he can't look anywhere, everything is spinning, everything is spinning-

"Malfoy?"

Draco doesn't respond. He clutches the material of his vest right beneath his chest and keeps breathing heavily.

Potter should just go away, Draco should tell him to leave, but he can't force his mouth to open, can't force his voice to make a sound.

"Hey-" Malfoy feels a hand slightly touching his shoulder-" it's okay now, I'm not-"

Draco abruptly shakes off the hand, that's so much he can do. He can do this. If this damned breathing would stop, if he could have more control over his actions-

"Okay, what's wrong, why aren't you reacting?"

The voice is so loud and annoying. Draco wishes he could just open his mouth and tell Potter to fuck off.

Instead, he shakes his head and keeps breathing, and it's just breathing, his chest is rising and falling in this irritatingly steady way that he doesn't even control-

"Look at me."

Draco wishes he could look up from this spinning floor, but he can't force his eyes to move. All he can do is squeeze them shut, but the darkness is even worse than the spinning room, and his breathing is so loud, so loud and it doesn't stop.

He will die any minute.

Draco is going to die, he can feel it, he's going to die.

"Okay, Malfoy, it's going to be over soon, just keep, keep it like this. You got this. It will be over soon. I promise it's going to be over soon."

Over. Maybe it will be over soon. It's going to be over.

"Just like this, you're doing great, keep it like this. It's going to get better."

Why would it get better, Draco is breathing but it feels like he's suffocating and he can't control anything-

"You're not going to die."

He's not going to die.

He is **not** going to die.

There is somebody with him and they told Draco he was not going to die, so he looks up and there's- There's Potter, and he's nice, so maybe Draco is dying in the end.

But Potter is mortal and human, and he's crouching next to Draco, and Draco can smell cinnamon-

Cinnamon.

"You got this, it's going to be over soon."

Potter seats on the floor.

Draco then realises, the floor feels cold. It feels real.

Draco is not dying.

He's not going to die.

"Yeah, keep it like this."

It feels lighter to breathe, like his lungs actually get the air he's breathing in.

"You're not going to die"

Draco takes a breath and it finally feels more his, and his chest isn't so heavy anymore.

With every breath, with every inhale and exhale, it feels more real, more into his body.

His.

He looks back at the floor. It's not spinning. Nothing is spinning.

It's okay.

It's okay, but Potter should go. It's not going anywhere.

"You should go," Draco says weakly. "I can't tell you."

"No way, I'm not leaving you, Malfoy."

"You should. You should have left it the way it was the first time you had heard me."

"I told you- Listen, you're a fucking wreck. A fucking wreck of a human. You've just had a panic attack, a fucking panic attack, Malfoy, and before you had even fainted, so clearly there's something very wrong! I may hate you, but I know things like this don't come because of some light issues. Especially panic attacks. And maybe-" he looks down-" Maybe you're not going to tell me what is it that got you into such a state, but I'm not going to take the responsibility if you do something to yourself, okay? Or you faint again in one of the corridors and die and become a ghost, you're going to scare the kids. I'm not having any of that." He locks eyes with Draco. "So I'm taking you to Madame Pomfrey, she'll give you something to calm you down."

Draco wants to believe it's just it and Potter is genuine.

He's so tired and he wishes he could just be sure about anything and be able to not be afraid that someone will come and kill him. He feels like vomiting anew, even though his stomach is empty.

Draco starts to fiddle with his fingers.

"Just when I thought I can't humiliate myself before you even more today, I had a fucking panic attack."

"No need to worry. I know what it's like. I've had this shit only twice, fortunately, but you know. No need to be embarrassed. I get it."

Draco snorts and shakes his head.

"I'm so tired." He mumbles more to himself than to Potter.

"I can see that."

Draco raises his eyebrows, looking at his nails, and doesn't say anything.

"I'll take you to Madame Pomfrey."

Maybe Draco should let him. Maybe he should allow himself to be saved at least today. At least for today.

"Fine."

Potter visibly seems to relax, his shoulders slouch down and Draco could swear he lets out a breath he's been holding in.

"Can you get up?"

"I- I'm not sure."

Potter leans to embrace Draco and help him get up, and Draco flinches. He didn't think Potter will take him to the nurse literally.

"I think I can go there on my own legs, thank you very much, Potter."

Potter pulls away a little and glares at Draco with incredulity.

"What? I just wanted to help you get up."

Ah. Now it's seriously embarrassing.

He wants it to be over. As if this whole situation wasn't embarrassing before, now it's surely reached its peak.

Potter leans again, embraces Draco, and with no difficulty pulls him up.

Draco would scoff out loud now if he could, but he knows better than this. Potter must be so strong too, of course.

"Should I help you walk?"

"No, I can-" Draco sways to the side and grabs Potter's arm not to fall.

"Yeah. You sure can."

Potter wraps the exact arm Draco grabbed around him, and Draco feels that the other boy is much warmer than he is.

"I know you're uncomfortable, but trust me, I am as well. It's for your own good, so try not to be crass."

Draco rolls his eyes, but deeply, he's glad he has someone to lean on since he can't stand straight on his own legs.

When they are about to go through the door, Draco stops.

"Wait, Potter- What are we going to do if someone sees us?"

"Simple." Potter loosens his grip on Draco's arm but doesn't let go of him. "I saw you nearly faint in one of the hallways so now I escort you to the hospital wing."

"That doesn't seem possible, Potter." Draco glances at the other boy.

"Why not?" Potter turns his head to look at Draco as well and Draco realizes that they have never been this close. Ever. Or they were, but that was when they were in the middle of a fight, so he wasn't much aware of the proximity. 

Draco clears his throat.

"Why not? Why wouldn't I help you in such a situation? I am doing this right now, so if I saw you're about to faint in any circumstances, I would help you. Because, unlike some people, I am a decent human being."

***

"I am not going to-"

"I have the right to keep you here if I think there is a reason to."

Draco knows that yes, indeed, Madam Pomfrey has such a right, but it doesn't sit right with him.

"Don't pull such a face, it's for your own good."

Oh, he has also heard this before today.

"It's just for tonight."

Draco moves his eyes to Potter, then again to the woman.

"Can you please give us a minute?" Draco does his best with pleading, puppy eyes.

Madam Pomfrey squints at them with suspicion.

"He's going to lay down, and I'm not going to annoy him or anything." Potter also shoots his puppy eyes at the nurse.

"He can't get even a tiny bit more anxious, Mr. Potter."

"Understood." Potter gives the woman a little, terribly awkward smile. 

She furrows her eyebrows, looking from Draco to Harry several times, visibly hesitating.

"Alright," both boys exhale with relief at her words-"but not for too long."

The woman gives them a warning look and leaves with the sound of her footsteps echoing in the room.

Draco drank some nerve-calming tea with a bit of something that most probably was Restorative Draught. Now his mind is more tired, but also more clear without blood rushing through his head and a palpitating heart. Thanks to that, he's realized by now what he nearly did.

If it wasn't for the effect of the nerve-calming tea, he would have probably got a panic or a hysteria attack again.

"Seat, Potter, I don't feel comfortable when you're standing above me like this."

Potter does as Draco wishes yet again and seats on the bed, keeping some distance between them.

"What is it?"

Draco tries his best to yet again, amidst everything, appear composed and confident. Which is funny, because he's lost all of his dignity before the other boy a while ago.

"If you tell-" he starts speaking in a low voice and scoots a bit closer to Potter- "If you tell anyone about what saw, I'm going to kill you. I swear, I will do it."

He doesn't even blink once while speaking, even if he's staring directly into Potter's eyes, even if he's close to his face and he should feel uncomfortable about it.

Potter's eyes run around Draco's face.

"I already said I won't do it. I won't tell anyone."

"You need to swear."

"I already did that too."

They keep their voices down and that makes it all a bit more intense. Sometimes, a quiet hiss can be much more powerful than a scream. Draco has learnt it his own way.

"No."

"What do you want me to do then?"

Draco licks his lips.

"Unbreakable Vow."

Potter vigorously shakes his head.

"Are you stupid?!", he shifts in his seat, and notices Madame Pomrey peeking at them, "It's not a good idea." H esays in much lower voice. "Things can change and this vow- This vow can be the end of us at some point. And we'd need a third party for that, anyway. So. Think of something else."

" 'so think about something else' How else do I know that you're honest, Potter?!"

"Don't scream, Madam Pomfrey is going to kick me out if you do. She's already looking at us." He glances nervously at the spot where the nurse was only a while ago.

Draco grits his teeth, but forces himself to calm down, he doesn't want to cry or choke even once more today.

"Malfoy." Potter pulls his cheeks down with his hands. He looks exasperated. "Malfoy, I've sworn on my parents. They are the people who I love as much as Hermione and Ron. And there's no way, that I would ever, ever, ever swear on them and lie. Do you want me to swear on Hermione and Ron too? Fine, I'll do it, I swear I won't tell anyone about this unless you want me to. On Hermione and Ron."

"Why would I want you to-"

"Just. Think about it some more. " Potter looks at Draco intently. His voice is calm, coaxing. "Please. I want to help."

Draco feels very uncomfortable with Potter piercing him with his gaze like this. However, it also starts to amaze him how quickly the boy goes from annoyed to soft and all worrying. Truly uncanny.

Draco's head is a mess, he's tired out of his mind, he hasn't had such an exhausting day in a long time, and Potter just won't give up. Taking everything into account, maybe Draco shouldn't give up on this just yet as well. If Potter swears on both on his parents and his redhead friend and "I-Know-It-All" girl, then Draco should probably trust him. Words hold power within them, so if he lied, that could end up badly for either him or worse, his friends.

Draco digs his fingers into the inside of the other hand.

"I need time, Potter. I don't think I can give you the answer right away."

Potter nods.

"Whenever you decide, just come to me." He gets up. "I don't know, write a letter or something. Whatever you decide so that I know where I'm standing."

He still doesn't turn, waiting for Draco to say something.

Draco wants to thank him. Everything indicates that Potter helped him out of the free will and without any sick or twisted intentions, so it would be appropriate to thank him.

But Draco doesn't trust that easily. You have to earn decent treatment.

"You should go, Potter."

"I know. Take your time." With these words, Potter turns on his heels, striding to the door, and when he's finally there, he stops. He bows his head, taking a deep breath. 

He turns around, walking back to Draco.

Draco just stares at him, too confused and tired to react to it.

"Listen, I just want to yet tell you one thing." Potter doesn't look at him, he keeps his voice quiet and compassionate. "I- I've been through a lot in my life and it takes me a lot to say it, but I think I could understand, truly. It may seem like it's all easy, because hey, I'm the Golden Boy that you love to mock and make fun of, but- But I really, really know what it's like when you feel like you can't make it, or when you feel hopeless, and overwhelmed, and scared- And I really want you to know that."

Draco's mouth falls open.

"Mr. Potter! I think Mr. Malfoy genuinely had enough stress today!"

Draco sees approaching them like lightning and quite annoyed Madame Pomfrey.

Potter nods his head.

"Think about it, Malfoy." His voice is just shy of a whisper, and then Potter turns around, saying goodbye to Madam Pomfrey and this time actually goes straight through the door, he's out of Draco's sight, gone.

"How are you feeling?"

Draco slightly tilts his head.

"There have been better days."

The woman nods, her eyes filled with concern.She squints, peering at Draco.

"Have you lost some weight recently? I remember you looking healthier the last time you came here."

"It's because of studying." Draco states without hesitation. " A lot of material to remember, it's the penultimate grade, and it is to be understood, my grades must be satisfactory. I sometimes skip a meal to study."

"Oh- Well then. You must remember to fuel your brain, otherwise, it's not going to work as well as you'd wish."

"Of course." Draco nods.

If she only knew that the real reason as to why he's skipping meals is tremendous fear that constantly makes him nauseous, doesn't let him sleep at night or think about anything else than his mission.

If she only knew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> novaturient
> 
> (adj.) desiring or seeking powerful change in one's life, behaviour, or situation

Draco turns from side to side on his bed, unable to sleep. He thinks about everything that has happened.  
He knows he should trust Potter. He knows the boy swore on the most important people in his life, yet that still isn't enough for Draco to feel entirely safe and calm.  
He doesn't feel safe even in one bit.  
Calm, maybe, but that's only because of the meds.

One part of Draco wants to believe that everything will be okay now. Another, bigger part of him, doesn't even try to do so. Draco isn't reconciled with his fate yet, but he doesn't feel like fighting it anymore either.  
He doesn't even wish for actually being saved, he doesn't wish for Potter to get him out of this hell. He's completely fine with the sole thought that there was a chance for him.

  
Honestly, he doesn't even hope for anything. His situation is, frankly speaking, hopeless, and there's not much more he can do. He's surprised that such an opportunity arose at all.

He dreamt of this. Of some hero coming for him and taking him and his family somewhere far away, where no one can hurt them. He wished for it to happen, prayed for it.

And there he is. A hero. The Noble Potter.  
He waits for a wave of panic washing over him. A wave of anxiety. Anger.

Nothing even akin to this comes.

Sure, he is still scared for his life, but that's normal. Fear has been breathing down his neck for a couple of months now. Fear lives in his head. He's grown familiar to it.

And nothing has been solved.

Draco turns so that he lies on his back and looks at the ceiling. Maybe it's because he is so tired that he feels as if this day didn't happen at all.

  
He didn't escape to the bathroom of Moaning Myrtle.

Potter didn't find him.

Potter.

Potter is a fucking kid. Draco can't comprehend how come does he fight Him, and not just once, several times. Draco underestimated both of them.

It was so horrible the first time he met the Dark Lord.

He remembers when Mother came into his room the day he had come back from Hogwarts.  
Draco sensed there was something wrong immediately, not because of the look on his mother's face, but because they never, neither her nor father, would come to him unless there was something terrible or exceptionally important going on. They would always tell Dobby or some other house-elf to tell Draco to come down to the dining room or the living room. They would never bother to visit him themselves.

Draco was laying on his bed, trying to sort out his thoughts. He knew there's a lot he didn't know, and he wished it would remain this way. All he knew was that his father is in Azkaban, and if he wasn't, he would have been dead by now.

Because he had failed, and Voldemort was furious. That was enough.

And then it was the 8th of July.

Aunt Bella came to Malfoy Manor in the late afternoon and she seemed to radiate happiness, although happiness on her face resembled more of madness than joy.

"You're going to meet him, Draco, it's a great day!" The woman chirped as she cupped Draco's cheek with her cold hand.

She was nervous. Mother told Draco once that when they were kids, Aunt Bella would get very nervous around their father. It was quite hard to grow up in such an aristocratic family, and even though Bella would rather die than admit it, the pressure coming from high expectations would always take a toll on her. Especially if she was the first child.

  
But not anymore.

  
However, when they were kids, Bella would squeeze Narcissa's hand before they went to meet their father. She was doing it to ground herself down. The hand was always cold.  
That's why Draco knew that Aunt Bella was nervous. Her big, dark eyes could gleam with happiness and madness, her teeth could flash in her sinister smile, her beautiful, elegant, black cloak sewn with lace and polished, high-heeled shoes could make her look like the goddess of death and give her confidence, but he could see through that.

"Something is up." She whispered. "Maybe he'll give you a chance to redeem yourselves." She glanced at Narcissa tellingly, then her eyes landed on Draco again. "Don't waste it."

She patted Draco's cheek and went to the cabinet with alcohol. She got a bottle of whiskey and chugged from it right away.

"Bella-"

Aunt Bella stopped drinking and glared at her sister, waiting for her to elaborate.

"You know this is Lucius' favorite."

"You can buy another bottle. Because this one-" Aunt Bella raised the bottle up and pointed at it with her chin" - I'm keeping it."

She was losing her nerves.

Draco would drink as well, but he was sure that if he drank, he would throw it all up at sight. He hasn't been able to eat anything.

  
Mother seemed not to be able to find peace, either. Her skin paled even more than usual, she didn't eat anything throughout the day just like Draco.

  
She feared Dark Lord as much as her son did.  
It was even worse when his father was absent. With him, they felt as if they had some sort of protection. In the end, it was Lucius who believed so firmly in the Dark Lord's ideology. He didn't have a particularly close relationship with Him, unlike Aunt Bella, but still. Draco felt more at peace when his father was with them, because that way, he could do all the talking. He was the one speaking for them, always, regardless of whether they wanted it or not. 

In some cases, it was salvific for them.

  
Draco tried to calm himself down. He liked Aunt Bella, but since He had come back, she seemed to sink into the madness more and more. She became crueler and more decisive. Draco started to think of her more as of a murdering machine than a human and it terrified him. And since the failure in the Ministry of Magic, with how everything played out- Draco wasn't sure if they were safe with her around.

Mother had kissed his forehead before they went to greet Him in the dining room. All three of them.  
His enormous snake accompanied Him.  
His dark cloak rustled quietly as his weak, thin, ashen body seemed to glide along the floor. This body didn't match the face of the Dark Lord. It didn't match his eyes.

Draco wished he hadn't seen them.

They were red and looked so ruthless that just after a glance Draco could tell that there's nothing left in him of a human he once was.  
The snake and Him, it was too much.

"So this is the only son of Lucius." The hissing voice pierced through Draco's ears.  
Draco didn't look up. He was too scared. He didn't want to see these eyes or face again.

He felt the wizard coming closer along with the snake.

"Look up."

A shiver went down Draco's spine.

He forced himself and used all of his willpower to do what he was told to, and tried to keep his bottom lip from trembling when he raised his eyes at the Dark Lord.

"Such a pretty boy." The wizard smiled and cupped Draco's chin with his cold, almost blue fingers and Draco nearly turned away with disgust. "Not like these filthy mudbloods. I hope you'll represent me well in Hogwarts."

Draco didn't know what all of this meant and why would He call him pretty, but he decided to just nod. He was way too paralyzed to say anything back, and his eyes kept switching between the Dark Lord and his snake.

"I told you, my Lord, Draco is also an excellent, ambitious and young wizard, am I right, Cissy?"

Filled with excitement voice of Aunt Belle should have made him feel more confident. As long as she was sure that Draco supports the Dark Lord, she should try to protect him.   
She should, but Draco was anything but sure about it.

"Yes."

Draco turned to look at his mother. Her voice wasn't tremulous, maybe because she has met the Dark Lord before. She didn't look at Him. Her head remained slightly bowed.  
Draco felt rage starting to slowly burn in him. It's because of Him. It's His fault that-   
He quickly sobered. Mother told him to watch his thoughts when he's next to Him. If He used legilimency, it would be the end of them.

"Let's take a seat, my Lord." Narcissa raised her eyes at Him.

Draco turned to Him as well, only now realising how tense his mother was. They were standing arm in arm, all three of them, Narcissa, Draco, and Bella. Aunt seemed to be utterly pleased and more relaxed with every second. With wide eyes beaming with adoration, she was ogling her lord, not even truly acknowledging the presence of her sister and nephew.

Draco wondered, how a person can be so devoted. She didn't see anyone else. Just Him.  
They took their respective seats on the velvet, emerald armchairs. House elves brought alcohol.  
Even though Draco had been poured alcohol, he didn't drink a drop. Dark Lord was saying a lot of things that Draco's father would say about the purity of magic blood, mudbloods, blood traitors. Then, he said that He's getting closer. That this time, it's finally going to happen. Nagini stayed still next to him, ogling everyone at the table and hissing ominously from time to time. 

All Draco could do is listen carefully, nod, and swallow quietly from time to time to release the lump in his tight throat. He felt like crying.  
Nothing really happened yet, but nonetheless, Draco could feel that he is certainly not ready for whatever is going to come. He could very well feel the deathly aura surrounding Him.  
Draco wanted to run away.

"But we all know why we gathered here today, don't we?"

These words made hair on Draco's skin raise.  
He glanced briefly at his mother but as soon as their eyes met, Narcissa immediately moved her eyes to the Dark Lord.  
Draco felt confused.

"Draco."

The name in His mouth sounded so brash, Draco wished He had never called him by his name.  
He stood up.  
Dark Lord smiled obnoxiously.

"Ah, very well, Draco Malfoy. Draco... Lucius... Malfoy." Every word seemed to be closer to a hiss of a snake and it made Draco's head spin.

"Come closer."

Draco did as he was ordered.  
If he had had the courage, he would have looked up at Him, but he didn't. Instead, he stared at the floor.

"Since your family served me so obediently for years,-" Draco could swear he heard sarcasm in His voice"- you will be able to make a name for both you and your parents, and the whole family of Malfoys."

Draco, no matter how hard he tried to calm down, couldn't help his accelerated heartbeat. He knew that the Dark Lord can hear every single beat, just like Aunt Bella, but she didn't pay it any mind anyway. She was too concentrated on Him, staring at Him with utmost adoration. Her wide eyes and furrowed eyebrows, her opened mouth, all of this was showing that she's completely lost in the words.

"You. You- Are going to kill the man who is the only obstacle standing in my way. The hope of these filthy, insignificant beings," Draco felt his blood rushing through his heart. His first thought was Potter. "the small, who think they are safe thanks to him, we are going to take him away from them. You will kill the man who is called the most powerful wizard of our time- Although, with your help, not anymore." The wizard smiled viciously and Draco held in his breath. "You will get rid of Albus Dumbledore, Draco."

Draco nearly choked on air. That was even worse. How can he kill-  
He heard his mother standing from the seat and saw Aunt Belle falling to her knees before the Dark Lord.

"My Lord, that is, that is the most- We are so grateful-" quickly, but with a bit of bashfulness, she reached for the piece of His robe and gently, with the utmost care, she kissed it- "So grateful. This is an honour-"

"Enough Bellatrix, you can stand up."

She glanced up at Him and Draco thought she looked like a beaten puppy if that term was anything near appropriate to describe her with. 

Draco thought that he must look terrified, but the shock was too great for him to control his demeanor.  
He wanted to look at his mother, but he couldn't divert his eyes away from the Dark Lord.

"Won't you say anything, Draco?!" A note of hysteria in Bella's voice, who has got up by now, made Draco even more paralyzed.

"I- I-"

"We are immensely grateful, my Lord."

Draco snapped his eyes at his mother.  
She looked as calm as ever. Draco couldn't understand it.

"Kneel!"

Draco fell to his knees immediately. He didn't want to have his own aunt as enemy.

"That wasn't necessary, Bella. I'm sure the boy is just... Shocked." Draco felt the intense stare of the Dark Lord, yet he still couldn't find the courage to look up at Him. 

"We are, our Lord. This is a very important commission."

"Let him speak for himself, Narcissa!"

"Stop interrupting, Bella! You got the honour to be here with them, yet you show all kinds of disrespect! If you don't calm down, I will make you leave!"

Bella yelped and Draco could picture her stepping back with her head bowed low. Narcissa slowly kneeled next to Draco.  
That was the moment.

"I am shocked. But also grateful-" Draco raised his eyes at the Dark Lord- "My Lord."

Draco was shocked that these words left his mouth. He was paralyzed, felt like throwing up and fainting at the same time.  
He looked at the floor again.

"I won't disappoint you."

"Oh." Dark Lord touched Draco's chin and lifted it so that the boy met his eyes. Draco felt piercing shivers running down his spine once again. "You better won't. Your father has already disappointed me, but this is your chance. Your chance to redeem your family's name. And you must understand, Draco, that this time, I cannot take any failure. Not anymore. I'm convinced you do not want to fail me as Lucius did."

Draco gulped.

"Of course not, my Lord."

The Dark Lord let go of Draco's chin.

"Stand up and give me your left arm."

Draco's eyes widened. This meant-The worst.  
He got up.

He should be proud, shouldn't he? This was what he was made for. This was what he was destined to be since he was born.

His head started to spin even more than before.

"Give me.." A loud hiss filled Draco's ears. He shivered, and with struggle, he rolled up the sleeve of his shirt. The Dark Lord turned Draco's arm so that the inside of the forearm was facing up.

The touch of His cold hand felt awfully disgusting on Draco's skin.

"Bella."

"Yes, my Lord?" Bella's voice was full of bliss and awe.

"Give me your wand."

Draco could hear Aunt Bella gasp.

"Of course." She whispered and got her wand out of her cloak.

She bowed down and with rush, yet still reverently handed it to Him.  
The tip of the wand touched Draco's skin. The Dark Lord looked at Draco, smiling obnoxiously, and in no time, Draco felt burning pain radiate from his forearm to his shoulder. The first wave of it was so strong that he wanted to wrench away- He refrained. Draco looked at his mother, who just stood by and watched. He couldn't read her expression at all, couldn't tell whether she's immensely happy or terrified. Draco never was good at understanding her feelings. She just stood there, wide eyes unwavering on her son's arm.

Draco felt one last strike of pain, and the Dark Lord pulled Bella's wand away.

Draco looked at his forearm. The veins on the arm got swollen, clearly breaking through the flushed skin. And the tattoo- It was there, writhing, twisting like a snake as if it was a living being. He stared at it, eyes wide open, mouth agape, half fascinated and half appalled. It was too much to take.

Draco tried to come to his senses. He should thank Him, not everyone got the honour of getting the Dark Mark, even if they were meritorious.

"Thank you, my Lord- This is a great honour-"

"You are indeed honoured, Draco. I hope it makes you feel obliged."

Draco just nodded and bowed his head. He couldn't put together any meaningful words.   
The Dark Lord seemed to read his thoughts because He gave Bella her wand back and called His snake closer.

"I have spent enough time here. Remember my words, Draco." He glared at Draco in a way that made him feel transparent. "I cannot take any more failure from Malfoys. And I hope you understand that this commission- It must remain a secret. If someone besides the three of you who are present in this room right now- "He moved his eyes on Narcissa and Bellatrix- "acquires the knowledge about this strictly confidential matter, you will bear the consequences. Come, Nagini."

The snake wrapped itself around His leg, and then they were gone, with a characteristic pop that always follows teleportation.

Narcissa let out a loud, shaky breath.

Aunt Bella immediately got to Draco and hugged him, which felt even more unreal than the Dark Lord's visit.

"Draco!" she squealed, pulling away. She squeezed his arms from both sides, shaking him "Do you even realize what great of an honour this is?!" she exclaims with a note of hysteria in her voice, "This is- Cissy-" She glanced at her sister, who was now standing, leaning on the back of the chair, staring at the floor. "Cissy!"

"Bella." Narcissa glared at her- "Do you even- Draco is so young! He's just a kid-"

"Stop being dramatic, Cissy! He isn't a kid, not anymore, how old is he, 10?" Bella was clearly mocking her sister. "Remember me when I was his age?"

Narcissa just shook her head.

"He is not you, Bella! He's my son and I won't-"

"Mother-" Draco stepped closer to her-"I can do this."

That was a lie.

"I will do it for us. I promise."

Draco could see her eyes water.  
He couldn't believe it. He wanted to say it out loud, to say that he will kill for them to be safe, but he couldn't. Everything would be fine if he killed Dumbledore.

If he killed him.

That night, he stayed up late, crying, genuinely crying for the first time since he couldn't remember when. Clutching his left hand, nails digging into the sore skin. Feeling lonely and hopeless like he had never felt before. He couldn't believe it.

He doesn't fit there, and now he knows it. He got the Mark and didn't feel a bit happy because of it. Of course, he could brag about it to Slytherins whose parents were Death Eaters as well, and it could mean something to them, but these people didn't know- And Draco wasn't in the place to enlighten them. 

He didn't use to see the people, he used to see the purity of blood, social status, and money.

As if it was a reason to kill.

He just wants to sleep.  
He turns so that he lays on his back and looks at the ceiling.  
He wants Potter to be genuine. It doesn't even matter that it's Potter anymore, Draco wants to escape. Draco wants to be protected.  
Maybe he is a coward. Potter told him many times just that, "You're a pathetic coward, Malfoy."  
Maybe he was right. Maybe that is what Draco truly is. He doesn't even have the balls to do something that will protect his family and their honour.  
Or maybe he's not. In the end, the prize that he will need to pay to keep them safe is, frankly speaking, high. A bit too much of what he has in him.

He is incapable of killing.

The second thing he sees in the morning (first was Madame Pomfrey who had woke him up to give him some water and meds) is the door opening on their own, but it isn't something that surprises Draco the most. It is the fact that soon after that, Potter's head appears right in front of him, and Draco nearly chokes on the potion he's drinking.

"Are you okay?"

"What the fuck are you doing here, Potter?"

Malfoy abruptly pulls up from his semi-sitting position and feels a strike of dull pain in his head. His throat is dry and his voice sounds very hoarse, probably because of all the crying he did yesterday.  
He needs to drink some water, that potion didn't taste the best.  
Potter raises an eyebrow.

"Seriously?"

"Can't you leave me in peace for a day?"

"No."

"You should." Malfoy reaches for his glass from the bedside table, takes a small sip of water, and soon he's chugging it until there's not even a drop of the liquid left. Potter stares at him with amusement.  
Draco takes a deep breath and places the glass back on the bedside table.

"Stop smirking, Potter, and excuse you, but why can I only see your head?"

"Just in case someone walks here. None of your business how I do it, so don't ask."

Yes, a floating head is certainly easier to explain than a whole body. Just a head and the rest invisible, that's something no one will find suspicious.

"Is this the same thing you put on when you spied on me on the train?"

"How are you feeling today?"

"Don't change the topic."

"No, it's not the same thing, pleased?"

"Not really."

"I'm afraid you'll have to deal with it then, Malfoy."

Draco has an adequate comeback for that but doesn't have the strength to argue with Potter, who seems completely unbothered anyway.

"I asked you a question. How are you feeling?"

"Like death."

"You sure look like it."

Draco scoffs.

"Said a guy who's head always looks like a nest."

"I have it after my daddy, apparently."

"Mr. Malfoy, are you talking to someone?"

Potter's head immediately disappears.  
Draco opens his eyes wide and blinks a couple of times, staring at the spot where the boy's head was just a second ago.

"No one, just myself. It's a sign of intelligence, did you know? " Draco diverts his already normal-sized eyes from the spot and looks at Madame Pomfrey, who now strides to his bed.

"I see you took your medicine?" The woman ignores Draco's question. 

"Yes, can I go now?"

"If you feel well. You don't look like it, though, young man."

"It's just that my skin is naturally pale-"

"Of course it is, but I don't think that these dark circles under your eyes are natural."

"I-"

"Mr. Malfoy, I'd rather if you stayed here for a few more hours and got some rest. Preferably, sleep. That's the best healer, along with time."

"But I-"

"Your teachers will be informed." The woman says and turns on her heels, heading to her office, probably for some sleep-inducing potion.

Draco stands up intending to leave, but something grabs his arm and pulls him back onto the bed.

"I knew it was you back then, Potter!"

"Shut up." Commands a loud whisper. 

So it was indeed Potter back then. 

"You're not going anywhere. If Madam Pomfrey said you need to rest, you rest."

Draco breaks his arm from the grip.

"Leave." His voice is akin to a hiss.

As soon as Draco feels Potter move away, Madam Pomfrey comes back, the sound of her footsteps rings in the big room. She carries a big, brown bottle in one hand and a spoon in the other.

Draco gulps. He hopes that the mixture won't taste disgusting.

"Here," The nurse says as she pours a transparent liquid on the spoon, "Once you drink it, you'll be able to sleep peacefully for a couple of hours."

"Did someone visit me while I was sleeping?" Draco asks as he opens his mouth and swallows the potion. It doesn't taste of anything.

"No. Now, don't try any tricks, because if you want to run away, I will find you, young man, drag you here and put you back to sleep. And besides, it's a very strong potion, chances are that you would fall asleep while walking."

Draco sighs. He really wishes Potter wasn't present in the room.

"I am not going to try anything."

"Great. If you'll need anything, just call me."

Draco nods.  
Madam Pomfrey hums and turns her back on Draco, heading to her office once again with the big bottle of potion. Draco thinks that she must walk a tremendous distance every day, going between her office and the hospital room time and time again. 

Suddenly, Potter's head appears in front of Draco's eyes.

"How do you do it?" Draco whispers loudly. He starts to get annoyed by it.

"It's a secret," Potter whispers back.

"Secret, The Noble Potter and His Secrets, My Ass." Draco rolls his eyes and although he's very irritated now, he keeps his voice down.

"Listen, I'm going to go. Let's- Let's meet soon, okay? Just the two of us."

Draco snorts.

"I can't recall myself telling you I want to do this."

"Yesterday you seemed a bit- Distressed, so I thought that maybe overnight you changed your mind, so- No? Is that your answer?" Potter raises his eyebrows.

"I haven't said anything yet. My answer is give me some time, for fuck's sake."

Potter lowers his eyes at the floor and nods.

"Don't keep me uncertain for too long. That's all I ask. If you don't want to do this, I want to know."

"I will let you know. Go now, Potter."

Potter looks at the ceiling as if he expected for something to fall from the sky and strike Draco, he catches Draco's gaze for a fraction of second and then, his head is gone. The door opens quietly, closes, and Draco is alone again. He wishes he wasn't.

°°°

It's been a week. Draco's thoughts have been stormed with the dilemma of whether to trust Potter or to leave it as it all has been so far and simply obliviate him.

It all could be a deception, a trap. Draco was an asshole towards Potter, so it would be no surprise if he tried to get his revenge.

On the other hand, Draco feels deep inside that Potter can't be that wicked.

But there is a chance, the slightest possibility, that Potter decided to just now, at last, let demons do their thing and screw Draco over. It could happen.

Draco wishes he could enter minds. He could try to learn it, he heard Snape is good at it.  
But then, Snape would enter his mind, read his thoughts too, and that Draco can't allow. It's not like he would learn it in a week anyway. Legillimency is difficult as fuck.

Potter sounded, looked, felt honest. Draco is nearly certain that he didn't have evil intentions.

But he could be wrong. Nearly certain is not good enough.

Draco is sitting in the Great Hall, next to Pansy and Blaise, trying to force himself to eat anything. He settled for a toast with butter. Better anything than nothing.

"Draco?"

"Hm?" Draco doesn't look up at Pansy.

Instead, he draws circles with his finger around the brim of his mug.

"You know we need to talk."

Draco rolls his eyes.

"I'd love to, believe me, but I think I've said it a dozen times already, I can't."

"You're starting to annoy me." Pansy peers at Draco through squinted eyes.

"Oh, well, then it's your problem."

"If you don't tell me what is happening to you, then YOU will have a problem, Draco."

"Let me eat. You keep saying I don't eat, but when I try to, you successfully stop me from doing so."

"Draco-"

Draco looks to the side and ostentatiously takes a loud bite of his very crispy toast, letting Pansy know he's not in the mood for talking. She catches on that and with disgruntlement written all over her face, she initiates a conversation with Zabini, who's definitely more eager to talk to her than Draco.

Draco actually feels a bit more hungry after finishing the toast, so he risks and takes a bit of an apple-cinnamon porridge.

Objectively, Potter could use Draco's weakness against him. Draco was terrible, he admits. And Potter hasn't been a saint either.

Potter is an idiot, but Draco highly doubts he would come to fight him without a wand, and if he had wanted to, he would have done it. They have fought before over the most stupid, pathetic things that they should have let slide, but they chose not to. If Potter had come to fight, he would have done it.

And he didn't let Draco skull crush against the bathroom's floor. Which again, could be a part of a trap, making Draco trust him, nonetheless, it doesn't sound quite like him. Potter just doesn't seem like that kind of a person.

He's not Draco. That's what Draco would try to do.  
Before.

"Draco, are you going with us?" Pansy raised from her seat, as well as Blaise.

"I don't know."

Blaise raised his eyebrows.

"You don't know?"

"No. I'm going to stay here. I'll finish this fucking porridge. Go to the potions without me, I'll join you later."

Pansy sighs and stands behind Draco's back. She gives his shoulders a squeeze, leaning to his ear.

"I'll kill you if you aren't there." She whispers so close to his ear he can nearly feel her lips against his earlobe, and it makes little shivers run down his spine. 

He wants to push her away.

He just smirks, knowing he's being watched.

"Sure you will."

Draco hears Pansy snort, and soon he can see her leave through the door with Blaise.

It's exasperating.

Pansy trying to get her hands on him and Blaise looking at him with this unchanging mocking expression on his face.  
Potter said he could understand. He said he knows what it's like to be lonely and hopeless.

_"like you can't make it"_

Draco has never thought about Potter in that way, never took into account what the boy might be feeling. He didn't look at him like at another human being, because it was Potter.

Since he's been commissioned, Draco found himself thinking about it more often than not. He can't possibly imagine fighting Voldemort. He nearly pissed himself just talking to Him, even though he knew that He wouldn't kill him. Aunt Bella precisely stated while talking to his mother that the Dark Lord would come to give Malfoys a chance to redeem themselves, and as much as Bellatrix was crazy and heartless, Draco likes to believe she would let them know somehow if the Dark Lord was planning to finish them off.

He is so much more than scary, His presence is so much more than bloodcurdling, Draco couldn't stand on his own legs next to Him.

And Potter has faced Him so many times so far. He fought Him and survived.

Draco tries to discretely take a look at Gryffindor's table and find Potter.  
He's there, sitting next to Weasley. Strangely enough, Granger is not with them.  
Weird.  
Potter isn't smiling. In fact, he appears to be worried. Brows furrowed, eyes on Weasley. Not that Potter is usually cheerful, or particularly alive in the mornings. Just a bit dim. Among the three, it's Weasley who always looks half-asleep at breakfasts. Granger is the early bird. Draco didn't look at them before, maybe Granger has already left. Or maybe something happened-

Shit.  
Potter looks back at him. Just for a second, but Draco is sure Potter has caught his eyes.  
He feels his heart racing up.

It's weird.

He has never felt like this in such a situation. Sometimes they glared at each other, but Draco can't recall if they ever have just looked at each other. No grimaces, no slurs mouthed at each other.

Maybe they did. Once, at Madam Malkin's. A long time ago, when Draco was an ignorant kid blindly following his father, trying to impress him, and thought that it all was about just being better and richer than others, whatever it really meant.

Then he was a bit older and lived in the belief that he understood it, that he could do this-but now he is sure he can't.

Draco feels sick of it. The porridge would taste so homey and comforting if only he was in a stable state of mind, but Draco isn't, and neither is his stomach. He leaves the unfished food and stands up from the table, trying not to look at Potter again. His gut is telling him that something is odd, but he ignores it. He's got his own problems he needs to deal with.

He pushes the door with difficulty.

One of the problems is Potter, anyway. Maybe he should risk it. If he doesn't, there is no hope. If he does, it can go two ways, he either ends up screwed up, which can happen regardless of Potter and his will to help Draco or he can get away from it all and keep his family safe if he only had some luck- 

But of course, it's the Potter who managed to get Felix Felicis during the potion class.

°°°  


Draco wonders why all of the places they could possibly go to, The Noble Potter wanted to go to the Room of Requirements. Going there would be the most stupid, along telling Potter about his mission, thing Draco could imaginably do.

Draco sent Potter a letter where he informed that he had made his decision, they just need to meet and discuss it. Potter replied the next day, and Draco had to wait with opening the letter until he was alone in one of the castle's corridors, and then burn it because Merlin knows he can't have any evidence left behind.

Potter proposed to meet on Saturday, at the seventh floor, and Draco found it suspicious since the very beginning. He thought about the Requirements Room but hoped Potter has some other place he wants to go, just picked this place for the sake of convenience since not a lot of people go there.

They stand before the Gobelin on the seventh floor covered under an invisibility cloak about which Potter didn't want to reveal a single thing. Draco therefore had no clue how and why he got it in the first place, nor was he willing to investigate further. It barely covered their ankles, but Draco knew by now that everywhere else except their feet it does its job. Obviously, he first refused to put it on, being fully aware how much proximity it would demand from both of them. Nevertheless, there was no other way but to hide under it in case someone walks by. They couldn't allow anyone to see them together.

At least Draco was finally certain who dragged him through the snow next to the Shrieking Shack in the third year. It must have been Potter. 

"I'm not going in there," Draco whispers as loudly as he can in the circumstances he finds himself in.

"Why not?"

"I can't tell you… yet. And you know enough of me as it is."

To the last words, Potter gives a small nod and it seems like he is very pleased with himself for some reason. Maybe he thinks he has Draco all figured out.

"What is that look on your face?"

"Nothing."

"You are a very bad liar. Very bad liar, Potter."

"This- This thing is not up for conversation right now, Malfoy."

"I asked what is that look on your face and you better answer me."

"I'm gonna tell you later."

Draco clenches his hands into fists and takes a deep breath, even if he feels uncomfortable this close to Potter. He can smell he definitely needs a shower.

"Do you even shower, Potter?"

"What?" Potter furrows his eyebrows and his voice goes way above a whisper.

"Shhh! You smell, that's why I'm asking."

"For your information, I do shower. I told you I came here straight after training, also I thought you won't be able to smell anything since you always use so much cologne, people can smell you literally from the other side of the class. I'm quite surprised you don't smell of anything right-"

"Did we really came here to talk about who smells and who doesn't?" Draco speaks through gritted teeth. Potter so far has done nothing but wasted his time. Draco doesn't have it to play around, the clock is ticking and he can feel death breathing down his neck, every second brings him closer to the judgment, and all Potter does is annoy him. Nothing changed.

"You started it, Malfoy."

Draco pinches his nose bridge. As much as he feels dead inside, Potter always has his way of making him feel all sorts of annoyance, irritation, and anger.

Potter must have sensed the tension, so he clears his throat.

"Why can't we go there?" He asks, his voice smoother and quieter now.

"Because-" Draco feels confused. He doesn't know whether he should tell him the truth or lie, it feels like it would be better just to not say anything. However, Potter is there, anticipating, and Draco can't find a good explanation. He just thought he will be able to talk Potter out of this idea, that he will say no and that will be it. He didn't expect he will need anything more than this and now if they go there, maybe Potter will see-  
It's stupid. The thing is all covered up, there's no way Potter will notice it in this maze of lumber. He's not very observant anyway, Draco saw enough of it through all of these years.

Most importantly, Draco is stupid, because Potter will find about it sooner or later since Draco is going to tell him if it turns out that Potter's intentions are genuine.

"Whatever." He speaks finally.

"What?" Potter's eyes widen and his voice up as if he was expecting a different answer. 

"Don't scream. I said whatever. Do we go in?"

Potter seems caught off guard a bit and remains unmoving for a while. Eventually, he closes his eyes, concentrating.

"Potter."

The boy doesn't even open one eye.

"Potter." This time Draco's voice is more demanding, closer to a hiss.

"What?" Potter's face is almost serene.

"Why are YOU doing that, not me?"

"Is it really that important?" Potter opens an eye and glances at Draco.

"It is. "

Then, they hear a noise, and Draco snaps his eyes at the wall where the door is already forming.

"That worked quickly." Potter's eyes grow wide and he raises his eyebrows.

"We must be really in need, then. Normally it takes much longer."

Potter snaps his eyes at Draco.

"How do you know-"

"I'm not stupid Potter, after your "Dumbledore's Army" thingie last year I'm pretty sure the whole school knows about the Room of Requirements and how it works. Especially me, I caught you."

Potter looks at the ceiling with annoyance.

"Right. Let's go in."

The door is made of dark wood and looks old, like any doors to classes in Hogwarts.

Potter reaches for the doorknob and opens the door. It doesn't make any sound.

They enter and what they see is definitely nothing they would have expected.  
It is a quite cozy, small room, with a comfortable looking couch and a fireplace. The floor is covered with a woolly carpet, and there is a small, wooden table at the center on which stand two mugs with something very hot, as Draco can see steam from where he's standing.

Very Gryffindor-looking place.

"Anybody could tell you were the one who wanted to enter the Room, Potter."

"Shut up, Malfoy. I just wanted a place where we could talk in peace." Potter walks to the table. "It looks like we've got hot chocolate."

He reaches for the whole mug, not the handle, and Draco only waits until-

"Ouch!"

Draco snorts.  
Potter gives him a death stare.

"Let's get into the business, shall we?" Potter asks, taking a seat on the coach.

Draco feels like falling under the ground and burying himself there all over again. He wanted everything to be set as quickly as possible, but now that it's come to it, he feels panicked. Everything is going to be clear.

No delusions, pure truth.

He swallows and comes to the table to get his mug, more to get some time to gather himself than to actually drink it. He didn't have the slightest intention to do so.

He takes a seat on the couch as far from Potter as he can. To Draco's disadvantage, the couch is very comfortable and he wishes he could just lock himself in a place like this for a few weeks and simply sleep in peace.

"So. Malfoy." Draco drafts his eyes away from the steaming liquid to look at Potter. "What did you decide?"

Draco takes a deep breath.

"I want you to help me, but I doubt you can."

"If you don't tell me what it is, we won't know."

Draco shakes his head. He's already made his decision. It's going to be what it's going to be.

He puts his mug on the table.

"Just don't do any stupid shit, Potter."

Draco stands up and ignoring his pounding heart, he starts to roll up the sleeve of his shirt, staring at confused Potter. Not even blinking once.

Potter's mouth falls agape, and all he does is stare. The silence is unbearable for Draco.

"Will you say something, Potter, or am I supposed to obliviate you already because you just wanted a proof that I'm a Death Eater?"

"I mean- I thought about it- I even- followed you, right- " His cheeks get adorned with crimson-"I mean it's not a surprise, considering your father is a Death Eater, but still-"

Draco pulls the sleeve down with anger. That's not the kind of reaction he was hoping to get. It's not like he hoped for anything in particular, but certainly not this.

"Just so we're clear- What's the problem, Malfoy? Is that why you're crying or-"

Draco snorts.

"You think I enjoy this, right?" He looks at Potter with a grimace. "The thing is, I don't fucking enjoy any of this. And it's not even the worst, Potter! It's not the worst!"

"Wait, Malfoy, shouldn't you be happy-"

"HAPPY?! That's the fucking thing Potter, I'm not happy one bit. And you will probably think it's pathetic and hypocritical, and honestly, yeah, it fucking is!" Draco's voice goes up with every word. "I didn't think it would look like this!"

"Too dark for you, huh?"

Draco feels awful and pathetic because he can already feel his eyes water and Potter doesn't take all of this seriously, which is what Draco should have expected-

"Okay, that was a bit out of place," Potter mutters, visibly perplexed.

"Listen. You either listen to me and take it all seriously or go fuck yourself, because none of this is funny. And I am aware that I was an asshole, and let me tell you-" Draco's voice cracks. "During these last months and especially during this summer, I've seen enough and heard enough to know I'm not like them, And I regret- I regret some things I've done."

It feels good to say it out loud. It's like Draco -at least for now- can stop pretending that he stands with all the cruelty happening.

Potter's brows raise up in astonishment.

"That I didn't expect."

"That's all you have to say?"

"No, I'm just- confused as fuck, Malfoy."

"I don't know if I should continue, because if you're going to use it all against and go to Dumbledore, then- That's the least Gryffindor thing you could possibly ever do. And you better tell me so I can erase your memory and you let you live in peace, because if not, then I will kill you, I swear I will do it."

"The Sorting Hat wanted me to go to Slytherin, so-"

Draco's eyes grow wide.

"For fuck's sake, Potter, can't you be serious for a second?!"

"But it's true. I just didn't want to go to the same house as you and Voldemort- Nevermind. I swear, I swear on my parents I won't use it against you."

Potter swore on his parents again.  
Draco sits next to him, keeping enough distance between them.

"I don't want to do any of that shit. I'm tired."

"I know. I've done my research."

Draco snaps his eyes at Potter.

"What?" His voice goes up unnaturally high, he immediately stands up. Potter was supposed to not talk about this with anyone!

Potter grabs Draco's arm to stop him from leaving or maybe cursing him. Draco looks at Potter's hand. 

The awkwardness in the air is so dense it could be cut with a knife.

Potter lets go of Draco slowly and he looks at the floor.

"I- I talked to Myrtle."

Well. Draco should have seen this coming. He waits for Potter to elaborate.

"Don't get mad at me for this, I had to have some background information. You know the situation we have here." Potter gestures to the air between them.

Draco feels mad, but at the same time- He can't blame Potter. Myrtle didn't know anything important anyway, she just witnessed a couple of his breakdowns and maybe, just maybe, perhaps, Draco let himself spill a few his guts before her. 

"She told me you hate this all. And that you're scared, and that you feel lonely and you have no one to turn to, and you just want to-"Potter spills the words in one breath. He inhales loudly-" You just want to protect your family, and she said you wouldn't tell her what this all was about, but you didn't want to do it. And to be honest, I think that if it wasn't me who had asked, she wouldn't have said anything. She trusts me for some weird reason. So don't think she betrayed you or something."

Draco nods weakly, feeling ashamed of what Myrtle could tell Potter. He sits down and leans forward, supporting his forearms on his thighs, head slightly bowed down. 

"Fine. But it wasn't fair to do that anyway, you do realize that, Potter?"

"I'm- I'm sorry, Malfoy. But I just- I just had to. If it weren't for- If we hadn't spent these past years fighting, I wouldn't have done it."

"I'm not going to say that it's okay, because you broke your promise while simultaneously trying to get me to trust you, but I understand. Sort of."

"I'm sorry, I really mean it, Malfoy." 

Potter apologized.

Draco is certain he has never seen such a face on Potter before. The boy looks at him intently, his gaze is piercing Draco through. Draco wants to believe him, yet he can't bring himself to respond to that.

Draco clears his throat.

"You know Potter, they have no idea-They all think it's so great, Pansy is so proud, the Dark Mark, Merlin!" He hides his face behind his hands. "They have no idea- I may be prejudiced, I may hate some people, but I would never-" He looks at Potter as if it didn't make it all harder to get out. "It's stupid and I'm pretty sure if they had to see what I've seen, they wouldn't be so optimistic about it. What happens there-"

"I know, Malfoy." Potter sounds deadly serious. "I have encountered Him a couple of times already, and not only Him but actual Death Eaters that aren't my aunt or cousin of- I don't know, my dog."

Draco snorts. Potter trying to be funny himself is way funnier than his jokes. Or in more suitable terms, pathetic.

"I know people are disappearing. Does it have something to do with you?"

Draco purses his lips. If Potter tries to get more information out of him, Draco swears he will clear his memory and leave. He didn't come here to be interrogated.

"Can we not talk about this for now?"  
Potter opens his mouth to say something, then shuts them. Draco waits.

"Okay. So, to sum up, you are a Death Eater, Malfoy- Okay just don't get mad at me for this, I'm simply curious. We followed you in Nocturne Alley, was it then-?"

It's not like if Draco told him when he got his Dark Mark it would change anything or give something important away.

"No. If you ask me if that is when I was- When He did this-" Draco points his chin at his left arm. "Then no. And honestly, you aren't exactly discreet Potter, I've noticed you."

Potter looks puzzled.

"Good to know, I guess." He scratches his head. 

Draco realizes that this may be his only chance. Everything seems to go in the right direction, Potter doesn't pressure him, it doesn't feel as if he does this to get his information.

"I just want you to know-" It's harder than Draco thought. Potter leans forward just the slightest bit and stares at him expectantly. Draco tries his best not to turn his eyes away. "This whole situation made me revalue some things and I'm not who I used to be. That's all I want you to remember, Potter."

Draco feels relieved.

"I understand." Potter nods.

"Do you?"

"Yeah. You want to be the good one from now on?"

Draco rolls his eyes.

"Yes. Why otherwise do you think I would come to you, Potter? "

"Alright. We're- We're cool, Malfoy. I guess."

Draco feels bitter. They aren't cool. The worst is yet ahead of him.

"You still don't know the worst part, Potter. And it's worse, way worse than anything you might have there in your thinky brain."

Now, Potter looks scared.  
What could be worse than being a Death Eater against your will, right?

He waits for Draco to continue.

"I need you to tell me, Potter- " He speaks choosing words carefully" Before we get to the worst, what do you want to do with all of this?"

Potter avoids Draco's eyes. That doesn't bode well.

"I know you're not going to like it, but I think-" Potter looks at his hands for a while, then looks back at Draco, "I think we should tell Dumbledore."

Draco laughs. It's one of these obnoxious laughs that sound more like a sob than laughter.  
So in the end- That's what he thought was going to happen. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up.  
He stands up, getting his wand out.

"Wait." Potter immediately raises from his seat as well. He clutches his wand in his hand. 

"What do you want me to wait for, huh? You just wanted to turn me in, am I right?"

Potter exhales, visibly exasperated.

"No. But that's-That's the only way, Malfoy!"

He comes closer to the other boy. "Let go of this." He tilts his chin in the direction of Draco's hand in which he holds his wand.

Draco doesn't obey.

"I'm not trusting you. I can't do this Potter, it's not only about me, but it's also about my whole fucking family, and I can't risk putting them in even bigger danger than they are in now. And I told you it's not who I want to be, doesn't it mean anything to you?!"

Draco doesn't care now, he is going to erase Potter's memory anyway, so it doesn't matter what he will say or not.

Potter clenches his jaw and looks to the side.

"I see. It's done, I don't want you to help me, and I can't see why you'd want to help me anyway. This whole thing is suspicious and I'm seriously losing my patience, Potter. Stop. It's not going to work "

Draco tries his best to have control over his nerves. He's lost it before Potter once already, and he's not going to repeat this mistake.

"Oh really? You know, Malfoy, I've been in this shit for years now, so best believe me I know how it works. You think I don't know? You think that I-" Potter steps closer to the other boy, " don't know who Voldemort is? I've known him longer than you do from what I see, so stop pissing me off, if you think I feed on other people's misery, then you're very wrong!"

Potter's voice is raucous. His eyes glisten and his cheeks slowly turn crimson.

"I would never kick someone weaker than me! You understand? I don't want to fuck you over, and Dumbledore will know what to do, he's the most powerful wizard of our time, so would you shut the fuck up and let me do this?"

Draco just breathes heavily. If it's another panic attack, he's going to-

"I thought we leave the past behind, Malfoy." Potter's voice is softer now. "If I trust you, if I believe you want to change, you should believe that I know Dumbledore better than you do and I mean no harm. I understand you realized at last that Voldemort is the Devil. It's okay. Better late than never. You need help, and Dumbledore will get you out of this."

Draco laughs. Again.  
He sits on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest. Staring at his legs, he shakes his head. 

"You- You think Dumbledore will know, that he will know what to- that he will know what to do?" His voice starts to shake more and more with every word. "Okay. Okay. I'll- I'll give it to you straight then, Potter."

Draco feels tears burning his eyes, yet he looks up at Potter regardless of it.

"I need to kill him."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quatervois
> 
> (n.) a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one's life

Potter stands awkwardly above Draco, who's still sitting on the floor, curled up into himself.

"You must be joking, Malfoy. I mean- Why would he want you to do that? I expected that you must have gotten something, some mission, but-"

"Listen here, Potter," Draco speaks through gritted teeth. "Remember when my father kind of let the prophecy slip out? Well, You-Know-Who got mad, really mad-" his voice breaks- "And let's say we're lucky they put my father in Azkaban because otherwise, he would have been dead by now."

Potter sits cross-legged in front of Draco.

"I still don't know what does it have to do with Voldemort giving you such a task."

Draco squeezes his eyes shut. It's going to be hard.

"To humiliate us. Or more to punish us." He opens his eyes. "Don't think I'm stupid, Potter, he has so many people that could do that instead of me. You don't have to search for long, he has my Aunt-"

"You mean Bellatrix?"

"Yes"

"She sure is good at murdering people." Potter clenches his jaw.

Draco remembers just how many times Aunt Bella bragged this summer about killing Sirius Black, her cousin. She was so exceptionally happy about it.

_"You should have seen Little Potter sniveling about it, Draco! This child, he tried to throw a crucio at me, but the poor thing was too weak. He doesn't have it in him. All that pathetic attempt did was tickle!"_

Draco would smirk at it.  
He would.

"Malfoy?"

"I just thought about her and all these times she would brag to me about her killing this-"

"Watch your words, Malfoy!"

"-friend of yours, that's all I wanted to say."

"Let's not talk about Sirius."

Draco nods in agreement. He doesn't have the smallest intention to continue talking about it, neither about Aunt Bella. The atmosphere is tense enough.

"As I was saying, I do realize it's weird, but he's not doing that because- Because he thinks I'm capable, no." Draco feels ashamed. "You should have seen him telling me all of this crap, redeeming my family's name when he knows just how- Pathetic we are now. Despicable."

Potter doesn't speak a word. Draco reckons it's a sign for him to continue.

"I- I admit I have already done something- but I had to Potter, I had to." Draco feels his throat tighten. "Aunt Bella sent me a letter, she said He's growing impatient, and I had this medallion just in case-"

"You could have killed Katie. You're lucky she survived." Potter speaks in a low voice while glaring daggers at Draco, and it's more disturbing than if he started to scream. 

The sudden shift in Potter's demeanor makes Draco's guts twist.

Because Draco knows all of this. He knows, but it's out of his control. He can't just refuse to obey Him.

He feels his head spinning.

"What's so hard to understand, Potter? I have to do this!" Draco's voice is wobbly. He clutches his wand involuntarily. "It's either Dumbledore or us! I have no other choice! I can't get my mother killed!"

Potter raises his eyebrows, unfazed by the fact that Draco raised his voice.

"What about your father?"

Draco exhales with a wheeze. Potter can get so interfering, of course, he would ask.

'Let's not talk about my father. If it weren't for him, maybe we wouldn't be even talking right now."

"I thought you're on good terms with him since you broke my nose for his dignity or whatever." Potter gazes at Draco with clear suspicion. "Couldn't you- I don't know. You nearly killed Katie, Malfoy."

This is so exhausting. Why did he even want to help Draco in the first place, if he had known he was going to behave like a spy and not a helping hand?

And the fact that Potter keeps on repeating this, that Draco nearly killed someone-

"You really don't understand, do you, Potter?! " Draco dips his head down and runs his hands through his hair, pulling at the ends a bit too much for it to be painless. He feels tears rolling down his cheeks. "You said you wanted to help me! Can't you really see, literally are you blind or what? I don't want to do this, how many times do I have to say that?!" Draco looks at Potter, not caring about how he looks. Potter has witnessed enough of his misery already.

"I was praying, Potter, that it wouldn't work in the end. I truly hope she gets better, I- You thought it's simple, didn't you? You thought- You thought I will just-" He inhales, it gets harder to speak while crying- " absolutely love the idea of run- running around with- with my wand, killing and torturing mud- people who are born in muggle families, am I right?"

Potter blinks a few times, visibly confused.

"I mean- that's kind of all you said your whole life-"

Oh. So he was not confused that Draco corrected himself and didn't call people coming from non-magical background mudbloods.

"Also- You've just said-"

"Yes, Potter, not mudbloods, but- but people coming from muggle families."

"What has got into you, Malfoy? Are you suddenly respecting people?"

Draco looks at his left arm.

"I think you can take a wild guess, Potter."

Draco knows he needs to get himself together.

It's going to be fine. Maybe they will work it out. Draco doubts it, but-

No. They will work it out. He searches his pockets for some tissues, sniffing, but finds there are none. This is pathetic.

Potter rolls his eyes and reaches to his pocket, taking out a not-opened-yet pack of tissues.

"I thought they may come in handy." He blurts out as he hands them to Draco.

Draco stares at them.

"Thanks, Potter."

Normally, Draco would probably scoff. But not anymore. It's not the way he wanted to go, not anymore.

He fiddles with the pack, trying his best not to glance at Potter. Draco clears his nose, feeling awfully awkward, while Potter is looking around the room, seeming as awkward as Draco.

"Do you still think there's something that can be done here?" Draco speaks up at last, and his voice has a note of sarcasm in it.

Potter scratches his head. From the look on his face, Draco can tell he's not going to like whatever Potter has to say now.

It looks as if he hesitates to speak up. Then, he's crossing his arms on his chest and-

"I don't know if I can do this, Malfoy."

"What?"

Draco feels as if someone slapped him. He stands up and staggers.

He doesn't care.

"Then what was all that for, Potter?"  
Potter raises as well.

"Why did you want to help if you've known all this time-"

"I didn't-"

"DON'T INTERRUPT ME!"

Draco's raucous scream reverberates around the room. He has never behaved like that in front of Potter.

Truthfully, he hasn't behaved like that in front of anyone ever.

Potter, taken aback, shuts his mouth.

"You say you didn't come to spy on me, then what is all that for? I will help you, I can't just let you cry like that, what was all that for?!"

Draco is not even crying anymore, he feels all hot from anger. He feels furious, so furious his cheeks turn crimson.

Potter just ogles him in disbelief.

"It took me so much," Draco sniffles, "so fucking much to trust you, I'm trying- If you know the Dark Lord so well, and you are aware of what the Death Eaters are capable of- You know what, judging from how you treat me I'm fucking certain, Potter, that you have no idea! No fucking idea what's going on there! You don't have a family of Death Eaters, none of your friends are Death Eaters! You think it's so easy to be either the good one or the bad one, but it's not!"

Draco pants. He feels that another panic attack is approaching, it's been coming for a while now, but he ignores it.

He's had enough. It's not like Potter cares, anyway.

"I feel like you- You don't even give me a chance! A chance to explain! Have you even thought how hard it all is to get out? Have you even considered, for a fucking fraction of second, that I feel pathetic and weak for telling you all of this shit? There's so much you don't know, it's not like- It's not like I trust you completely, because I sure don't, but you on the contrary don't even try to trust me, not even one bit! It's not fair! You knew who I am, you fucking followed me, you knew what you were getting yourself into, and if you didn't see that coming then- Then you are actually stupid. You are plain stupid. And oblivious."

Potter stares. He stares at Draco as if he's done something terrible to him.   
Draco comes to the conclusion there's nothing left to do but to erase Potter's memory.

Erase it and try to get through this all on his own, as it was supposed to be since the very beginning. He feels his chest ache, it gets heavier, it's harder to breathe, nevertheless he raises his wand, aiming at Potter.

Draco feels he can't catch breath properly, but it doesn't matter right now.

"Obli-"

"Expelliarmus!"

Potter catches his wand.  
Draco whines, that's all he can do, for it's a disaster, his chest hurts for good now.

His hands are so itchy- he wants to scratch them, but he can't move them.  
He feels his steady breath, yet he feels like he's suffocating, everything is spinning-  
He's going to go crazy, insane, he shouldn't even be here-

"Malfoy?"

Draco wants to look at Potter and tell him to fuck off, but he can't bring himself to do that, it's like his body is not listening to him. If he only could move his hand, but it just won't move!  
Maybe now-

"Malfoy!"

No.

Draco's body feels so uncomfortable as if thousands of ants were crawling on his skin-

It's the worst, the worst he's ever felt.  
He's going to suffocate- That's certain, he's going to die.  
His breathing is so loud, he's hyperventilating- And his hands are shaking so much-  
Maybe he will just-  
He tumbles on the floor. It should hurt, why can't he feel anything properly?!

He feels a hand on his shoulder. He wants to wrench away, he can't-

"Don't-" Draco can utter this much through his breath.

The hand lets go of him.  
Draco keeps on breathing. He's breathing, but he can't feel the air in his lungs.

How long has it been, it should get better! It doesn't get any better!

"It's okay-"

It's not! It's not okay! He can't breathe-

Potter is talking, but Draco can't comprehend any of it.

Draco runs his eyes around the room. He can't think, he doesn't have thoughts- There's just breathing and the certainty that he's going to end.

He rushes his hands to his head, squeezing it from both sides. He's going insane.  
And this breathing, he's going to suffocate-

"Draco!"

Draco.

"It's going to be okay. Just keep breathing. You do it all the time, right?"

Potter's voice is small.

It's just breathing. Draco can breathe, he does it all the time.

"Draco, repeat after me, a breath in-" Draco glances at Potter inhaling. Even Potter can breathe properly, so Draco can too- "And out. See? It's easy."

So that's what Draco is trying to do until he finally does.

A breath in.  
A breath out.  
A breath in, and a breath out.  
Potter gently pulls Draco's hands off his head.  
Draco's scalp hurts, he's been digging his nails into it this whole time.

A breath in, and a breath out.

Draco finally feels like he's into his body. He realizes how sweaty he's got. It's gross.

He inhales deeply and exhales slowly.

He feels so exhausted.

Potter looks at Draco intently.

"Is it- Is it all right?"

Draco gulps. It could have been better, but at last, he doesn't feel like he's going to explode with the rush of his thoughts.

"Yeah."

Potter stands up abruptly and gets Draco's mug of chocolate.

"You should drink it. Seriously, Malfoy. Once, a friend told me that chocolate makes you feel better and- And I think you really need some chocolate right now."

Draco feels that if he doesn't eat or drink something, he's going to faint. He takes the mug and sips the (surprisingly, still hot) chocolate.

It has a bit of chili in it and it's the best thing Draco has had in a while.

"Is it better?" Potter's voice is so soft Draco has issues with believing that the boy is talking to no one else, but him.

Draco nods, not looking up.

"Let's get you off this floor, okay?"

Draco doesn't protest. Potter takes Draco's mug and places it on the table, then-

"Do you want me to pull you up or do I just give you my hand?"

Draco feels very unstable. He doesn't want to get into more physical contact with Potter, but he's afraid that on his own, he will collapse and make an idiot out of himself.

"I think- I need you to pull me up." He mumbles in spite of himself.

Potter doesn't flinch, doesn't snort, doesn't mock Draco. All he does is just lean down, embrace Draco and pull him up, and then help him sit on the couch.

"Have you even eaten breakfast?"

Draco shakes his head.

Potter looks like he wants to make a remark about it, but he doesn't have the time to do it.

Something starts to rustle and both of them snap their eyes in the direction of the sound, and in no time, right on the table, appears a plate full of food that Draco finds strikingly familiar.

Right. They are in the Room of Requirement.

"I can get it."

"No, you can't, you look like you're about to faint any minute."

Not waiting for Draco's response, Potter mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like vingardium leviosa, swinging his wand, and the plate soon enough levitates in the air, flying to Draco.

"I would have done that on my own, Potter if only you didn't have my wand."

"First, you eat. Then we talk about whatever the fuck is going on here, and then maybe I'll give you back your wand. Maybe. What's that, anyway?" Potter nods towards Draco's plate, now stably resting on his knees.

"It's something I like to eat."

"No shit, Malfoy."

It's something house elves would make at Malfoy Manor whenever Draco came back home. This food most probably tastes homey and comforting, and Draco is starving, but there's something that is nagging his mind, something he needs to clear up.

"Potter."

Potter looks at him with suspicion.

"What now?"

Draco starts fiddling with his fingers and bites his lip.

"I thought- I just- Perhaps you-"

"Just say it already."

"Did you call me by my name- When I was- You know?"

Draco doesn't know what Potter looks like now, he can't bring himself to look at him.

"Yeah. Yes, I did." Potter sounds tense, so it seems that Draco isn't the only one uncomfortable in this situation.

"Why would you do that, Potter?"

"I- I don't know, you didn't react, I didn't want to slap you, or touch you, so I just said it. And it worked, so that's all that matters."

Draco needs to see Potter's reaction. He plucks up the courage and looks at him.

Potter is staring at his hand pinching the material of his pants.

"I'm not asking because it was weird- I mean it was, but that's not my point- I just didn't know whether it was true-"

"I know. It gets hazy whenever you're... There."

Potter still doesn't turn his eyes to Draco, even if Draco is piercing him with his gaze.

Well.

Draco starts to eat.

If he wasn't so hungry, he would probably care about how loud he's eating, especially next to Potter, but now he doesn't. The food is delicious and makes Draco feel better for a fleeting moment. When he's done, the plate and the cutlery vanish.

"Now we can talk, Potter. What is it that you yet want to discuss, eh?" Draco pulls his knees to his chest, not caring that he's still wearing his shoes and that he's sitting on a couch.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that we're not getting anywhere with this?"

"Well spotted, I applaud you."

"Stop it, Malfoy." Potter frowns and adjusts his glasses. "You had your little speech, now it's my turn."

"Okay, but first give me back my wand."

"No, I won't, you will cast obliviate at me the moment you get it. So no," Potter shifts in his seat, turning more in Draco's direction," I'm not giving it back to you until you've listened to me and we've settled something."

Draco doesn't protest. There's no point, he's defenseless and helpless without his wand.  
He may as well hear out whatever it is that Potter thinks they should or shouldn't do.

Potter's face twists.

"You are right, I thought you'd love the idea of, how you put it, running around with your wand and killing people. But I promise, I'll try to change the way I- perceive you, even though it won't be easy. And only if you do the same regarding me, I don't think I'd like to know what is it that you think about me there, in your twisted mind."

Draco would love to be convinced by mere words.

"Do you think it will be enough, Potter? Because I don't think that words will work well in our case."

"Then what do you want us to do? We can't just keep going upwards and backwards, it's going to make us go crazy."

"Did you really forget that we are wizards, Potter?" Draco raises an eyebrow. "There's plenty of things that can make us keep our promises. Keep us from betraying each other."

"What do you mean exactly? We can't do the Ubreakable Vow, we've talked about this."

Draco's eyes glisten. He drops his feet to the ground, shifting in his seat.

He has done his research before coming to meet Potter. He found a couple of magical bonds and vows, but there was one, a very peculiar one, that he found liking for.

"There's-" Draco lowers his voice, "I've read about it somewhere, it's very old magic, but I find it safer since- you get scars after doing the Unbreakable Vow- And we don't want people to see we've done it, do we? Besides, we'd need a third party for it. I don't need anyone else involved."

Potter studies Draco through narrowed eyes.

" Don't look at me like that, I know what I said before, Potter. I wasn't in the right mind and i was exhausted. I didn't think." Draco defends himself.

"That's not it. I already know you're a hypocrite," Draco scowls at Potter's words, but Potter doesn't pay it any mind and continues," I just have no idea what you're talking about. You're not being very specific, to be honest."

"What I'm talking about-" Draco pauses for a second, leaning on the backrest-" is blood pact."

Potter gawks at Draco.

It's not even surprising because of course, that's what Potter would do.

"Blood pact? That's so like you, Malfoy."

Draco scoffs.

"Have you even ever heard about it, Potter?"

"No, I have not."

Draco tries to suppress a smirk.

"It's a type of magical bond, an agreement, and it involves mixing of the blood of the two parties, not that I think either of us would particularly enjoy it. This blood turns into a vessel, sort of an ampoule, supposedly. You can't destroy it, and the consequences of breaking it can vary, depending on the relationship and the promise made during the act. Basically, if you tried to kill me, or did something not so in my favour, you could get seriously injured, or get yourself killed. But that's in radical cases."

"I dare say our case is quite radical."

Draco can tell that Potter is mocking him.

"Do you think either of us would have enough nerve to kill the other?" Draco wrinkles his nose.

"I don't know, sometimes you drive me mad, Malfoy, so who knows." Potter sounds dead-serious.

Now, Draco is the one lost at words, glaring at him.

"Oh, c'mon, I didn't- Well, you were the one who assumed somebody will want to kill someone." Potter gives Draco an accusing look. "And you told me you would kill me in the Hospital Wing, so-" He sighs," Anyway, what promise would we make with that pact?"

"You promise you won't betray me, turn me in or try to screw me over in general, Potter. You'll do what you can to help me and let go of assumptions you've made about me through all these years."

Potter just blinks.

"And what are you going to do?" He scoffs. "You could also spy on me or leak information about me to Voldemort."

"If you think so, then I'll swear that I won't use any information I may get in the future against you, or give it to the Death Eaters."

Potter nods, pursing his lips, and Draco waits for him to speak, for he's clearly debating on something in his mind.

At last, Potter opens his mouth.

"I think we should promise not to lie and to trust each other."

Draco shakes his head.

"That sounds a lot like a marriage vow, Potter."

Potter rolls his eyes, snorting.

"That's necessary, Malfoy. We both have trust issues, in case you haven't noticed, so that's the only way we can make it."

Draco must admit that Potter, indeed, has got a point.

"Fine. Are you willing to do it?"

Potter's eyes go round.

"You mean, right now? Shouldn't we first go to Dumbledore-"

"What are you scared of, Potter?" Draco gives Potter a daring look. "Perhaps you don't really have the best interest of mine in your mind?"

"No, I just don't want to get bound to you without making sure-" Draco pulls himself up from the backrest, giving Potter a daring look- "Okay. Do you know the spell?"

Draco purses his lips.

"Like I said, it's very old magic. There isn't a spell for it or anything of that sort. I just know you need to cut your hand with a wand, and then you need to touch your hands flat with the other party so that the blood mixes. You say your words, intertwine your fingers, I suppose it's to seal the vows and the blood forms into a vial. That's it. And no," Draco notices Potter opens his mouth to interrupt him," No, we can't mix our blood in a separate vail. It's the skin on skin contact that makes it work."

"And you can't destroy it, it will last until we die? Are you sure, Malfoy? We'll be bound by that for the rest of our lives." Potter clearly tries to talk Draco out of this idea.

Draco sighs, exasperated.

"Yes, I am sure, Potter. It's not like we have much time left to live, anyway. Now, give me back my wand."

But Draco isn't so sure about his decision.

Potter draws Draco's wand from his pocket yet hesitates to give it to Draco.

"See, that's why we need that pact!" Draco gestures to the hand in which Potter holds his wand. "You don't even trust to be around me when I have my wand!"

Potter clenches his jaw and slowly hands the wand to Draco.

Draco eyes Potter, unconsciously squeezing the wand in his hand.

"This is our last chance to stop," Potter's forehead puckers as he crosses his arms across his chest, "so are you sure you want to do it, Malfoy?"

Draco hesitates, but not a single muscle on his face twitches.

"Yeah." his voice is tight and he hates himself for not knowing how to control it.

Potter stands right in front of him, uncrossing his arms and letting them fall comfortably on his sides.

Draco knows what they have to do.

He hopes it will work out. Mixing his blood with Potter's and holding hands with him aren't things that Draco would exactly eager to do if it wasn't for the good cause.

"Give me your hand, Potter." Draco's voice is taut.

Potter's face is painted by confusion.

"What? Why?"

"I need to cut your palm. You need to cut mine. That's how it works."

Potter seems very reluctant.

"Aren't you just saying that? Can't we do it by ourselves?"

"Why would I want to cut your hand or worse hold hands with you for my own pleasure, Potter?"

Potter just snickers.  
With a scowl, not looking at Draco, he holds out his left hand. Draco takes it and turns it so that the palm faces upwards.

Potter's hand is so warm, a fleeting thought passes Draco's mind.

This is his last chance. Draco knows he can turn back at this moment.

This is the moment.

" _Inseco_." Draco's voice is just shy of a whisper.

Potter bites his bottom lip, eyes focused on the blood seeping from the shallow cut.

"Potter."

Potter does so much as hum in response.

"Potter, now _you_ need to cut my hand."

Potter shakes his head and blinks a couple of times.

"Right."

He reaches for Draco's hand.

"Merlin, are you a vampire, Malfoy?"

Draco scoffs.

"Of course. And that's why I can perfectly control my thirst for blood when there's an open wound with hot, fresh blood right in front of me. Not that I'd want to drink your blood if I were a vampire, anyway."

"Just- Your hand is so cold," Potter mumbles, pointing his wand at Draco's palm, and then his eyes land on the black tail peeking from the sleeve-

"Malfoy, it's your left arm. Is it okay-?"

Draco gulps, wrenching his arm away.

Fuck.

"Fuck, just do it on the other hand." Gustily, he rolls up the sleeve on his right arm. He didn't even do that on the left side, and he isn't a fan of cleaning blood from his clothes.

But he was so invested in the ordeal, trying to not mess anything up, and the fact that it's Potter, it was so close-

Potter clears his throat.

"Ready, Malfoy?"

Draco nods. Potter takes his hand, and soon, accompanied by Draco's hiss, the palm turns red from blood.

"It's not that bad, Malfoy." Potter gives a lopsided grin.

"You did it on purpose. I was gentle with you, even if you don't deserve it, Potter."

"GENTLE, my ass. It hurt like bi-"

"We don't have time for that." Draco's voice is rigid. "We need to intertwine our hands and say the vows."

"So we really don't need to say any spells or-?"

Draco shakes his head and hides his wand in the pocket of his pants.

"You do the same, Potter."

Potter does as he's told and looks at Draco, waiting for the directions.

Draco refrains from taking a deep, tremulous breath, and feeling his accelerated heartbeat, he raises his hand, palm facing Potter.

Potter flinches as Draco does so, seemingly embarrassed, but Draco decides to ignore it.

"We need to- We need to lock our hands like that."

"Like a high-five?"

"What's a high-five?"

Potter just rolls his eyes and puts his hand flat to Draco's.

Draco feels his heartbeat speed up even more and his throat getting tighter. He's afraid to speak, knowing very well his voice will sound breathy and unsteady if he does.

"Should I go first, Malfoy?" Potter glances straight at Draco.

Draco nods, trying not to focus at the feeling of their blood literally mixing and their hands touching.

Potter frowns and closes his eyes. Draco holds in his breath.

"I, Harry James Potter, promise I won't betray you, turn you in, or try to consciously screw you over in any way. I swear I will do what is in my power to help you. I also let go of assumptions about you, Draco Malfoy, through all the years we've known each other. I promise."

There's no hesitation Draco could spot in Potter.

Unconsciously, he lets out a sigh of relief.

Potter to open his eyes.

"Now you go, Malfoy, or I'm going to kill you myself."

Draco swallows in attempt to relax his throat. He doesn't want to close his eyes, in case Potter comes up with something. It's also incredibly uncomfortable to keep looking into Potter's eyes in this situation but there is no other choice-

Draco fights the feeling and keeps his gaze steady on Potter regardless.

"O- Okay. I, Draco Lucius Malfoy, promise I will not use any information I get in the future against you, I will not give it to the Death Eaters or- or-"

Potter tilts his head to the side.

"Or the Dark Lord. I will not try to screw you, Harry- Harry James Potter, or your friends over. I also let go of assumptions I made about you throughout my life."

Potter didn't even blink once. Draco has been looking into his eyes for such an unusually long time now, these past couple of days- So much staring and now-

Potter's eyes are so green.

So absurdly green.

Draco's mouth falls open.

"What about lying and trust, Malfoy?" Potter raises an eyebrow.

"You- You didn't say anything about it, though?"

"Fine. I promise I won't lie to you and- the trust part makes no sense."

Draco raises an eyebrow as well.

"It was your idea, Potter, and we've already settled for it. So say it. If I agreed to that shit, then you do that too."

Potter looks up to the ceiling and sighs.

"Fine." He glares back at Draco. "I promise to trust you."

Draco fights a smirk and then remembers that he also needs to say the same actual words.

Potter keeps glaring at him impatiently.

"I also promise I will not lie to you and I will trust you." The words barely leave Draco's mouth, and then he feels Potter intertwining their fingers. A bit too tightly for Draco's judgement.

He senses weird warmth coiling in the pit of his stomach.

It's done. He feels Potter looking at him, but he can't take his eyes off their intertwined hands.

Draco starts to feel tingling traveling from the tips of his fingers, through his hand, and to his elbow.

A nearly transparent drop of liquid slowly forms right above their hands. It floats higher and higher, and when it's right above their heads, it starts transforming into a more familiar shape.

Draco follows it with his eyes, mouth slightly agape, focused as if nothing else mattered at this moment.

And then, he feels Potter letting go of his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi if youve gotten this far pls leave me some kudos or,,,, a comment if youre feeling bold,,,, it helps to feed the writers its me im the writers


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